Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
