just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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