If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just found puke in my bra..
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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