Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
