Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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