dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
