i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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