The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
