His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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