this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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