I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
