Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
