you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
