The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
