wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Randomize
