apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
