Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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