how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
