This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
