Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
