just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
