I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize