I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize