i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
