I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
