Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
