I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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