Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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