Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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