trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
