Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
