God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
