Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Let's get the cat blown out
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
