Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
