Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
