Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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