I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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