Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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