I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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