Three words: puerto rican gang bang
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I believe in your delicious
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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