dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
