Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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