two words...techno handjob
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
