It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
