I need to stop coming to work sober
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Found the puke drawer
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
