the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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