just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
