went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
