i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
