So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
