If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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