the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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