if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
