found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
