Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
