He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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