Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
