Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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