maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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