i wish peter jackson would direct porn
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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