ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
