i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
