we have officially lost it.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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