Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Life is so much better after having sex.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
