Sry I called you an 8
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
