So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
