My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
worst night to have a conscience
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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