I can text with my tongue
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
